The return of the witching hour

When the children were small, and at home with me all day, I really struggled with the witching hour. We would often go out in the morning followed by an early lunch, and by 4pm everyone was bored and tea seemed a long way off. I struggled to cook dinner with children screaming and hanging off my legs, and there were often tears all round. Even once they were at school I still had tired children to deal with, but as they got older they were easier to look after, they could get on with their simple homework or play, and I was able to get on with preparing lunchboxes and dinner.

But the last few weeks have felt like a return to those difficult days. The children are exhausted after school. They are returning to a routine which they had all but forgotten, and are coping with new teachers, a new timetable and in Harry's case a new school. The amount of homework has increased, and time management skills need to be honed. As with everyone, the state of uncertainty is having a massive effect. With Covid cases already in the school, sometimes I feel as though it's only a matter of time before we are all back home again. 

By the time we get home from school, both children are often in tears. Mia is in no state to begin her homework, she needs a drink, a snack and some screen time to calm down. Harry is very good about getting straight on with his work, but when he looks at his list, which usually contains several tasks, he becomes overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start. I end up bouncing between the two of them doling out snacks, hugs and advice, and that's before I even think about starting dinner. This stops me from doing everything that I need to do, and so we all get cross with each other.

Luckily once dinner is out the way things are better. The children have a bath and get ready for bed, and then Mia is in a much better mood to get her homework done and Harry can catch up with his screen and reading time. By the time I have read to them and tucked them up in bed we have all calmed down.

It's going to take us a little while to get back into the swing of things so I'm trying to be as patient as I can, and to do the best I can to help with the transition. I'm really glad that the children are able to be back to school, both for their education and to be able to spend time with their friends, but it's going to take us all a few weeks yet to get used to it!

Photo credit Annie Spratt via Unsplash

Things that my children are better at than I am

There are so many!

* Getting up early in the morning, no matter what time they went to bed the previous night.

* Spotting any tiny defect in their food - a speck of herb, a slight blemish on the skin of an apple, the uneven coating of sauce.

* Sleeping on planes, which has been quite a revelation after years of poor sleep.

* Maintaining will power. We have buckets of Halloween sweets yet to be eaten, if they were mine they would be long gone.

* Getting the entertainment system to do what it wants to. If I want to watch a particular programme when the husband is away I need to find a child to set it up for me.

* Playing Minecraft, especially on a tiny tablet screen. I just don't have the spacial awareness.

* Negotiation, whether it's a later bedtime, longer to read before lights out, or just one more round of a board game.

* Staying hydrated - fuelled by the need for constant access to a bottle of water throughout the day.

* Confidence in their creative abilities - whether that's drawing, writing, or a Minecraft build.

* Racking up the steps on their FitBits - this morning I was astonished to discover they had each clocked up nearly 1000 steps by just eating breakfast, dressing and brushing teeth. What are they doing? Are they cheating?!

* Swimming front crawl. I'm sure that I could do it once, but now I just can't get everything co-ordinated.

* Grammar terms. All my grammar knowledge comes from learning languages at a higher level, and even then I don't know some of the things that they come out with.

What do you wish you could do as well as your children?

The pros and cons of a holiday without the children

Later this week, my husband and I are lucky enough to be going on holiday without our children. Lucky because its an all expenses paid trip thanks to his work, but mainly lucky because we have lovely grandparents that are willing to look after our children while we jet off to the other side of the world. Being an anxious person, while I'm very much looking forward to our trip I'm also finding the build up a bit stressful. So I thought I'd write a post starting with the cons of travelling without your children - and then I can look forward to the pros!

Cons

It's mainly the guilt - guilt at going away and leaving the children, guilt in case they miss us, guilt for my parents having to give up their precious time to look after them.

Making sure that every detail of the daily routine is covered and that I've remembered everything that needs to be done while we are away and thought about all the logistics.

Having to have a thorough tidy up and clean so that the house is left in a reasonable state for my parents to live in! 

Pros

A chance to spend time with my husband away from the children, when we might actually be able to talk to each other without being interrupted!

The children will have lots of fun spending time with their grandparents, and I'm sure they'll spoil them!

I only have to pack for myself, which is easy.

There's lots more space in the suitcase, and we'll probably only need to take one case. I might even pack a choice of outfits rather than recycling my clothes to save space.

It's a very welcome break from the daily routine - the school run, the supermarket trip, the swimming lessons, the lunch box making and all the washing.

I can enjoy a whole 12 hour flight to myself without needing to worry about whether all the teddies have made it on board, does anyone need the toilet, did I bring enough snacks, are they wearing their seat belts properly, what if their children's meal doesn't arrive, will they sit quietly for the whole flight, and so on and on.

We'll be able to use the faster smart gates at airport passport control.

I've bought and packed some exciting brand new books, under the reasonable assumption that I'll have the opportunity to read them.

We'll be able to eat a meal out that isn't pizza, because it's the only thing that the children will reliably eat in a restaurant.

We can even enjoy a few drinks with the meal without worrying about having to get the children to bed and up again early in the morning.

And of course I can spend the whole time looking forward to seeing the children again when I get back.

As you can see, once I've got over the guilt, the pros far outweigh the cons! It should be an amazing trip, look out over on Instagram for some photos later this week but here's a sneak peek of where we are off to...

Photo credit Raphael Nogueira via Unsplash

Chilling out at home over the summer holidays

I'm definitely a home bird. I'm always happy when I'm at home, keeping myself busy and pottering about. If it wasn't for my husband, who is always on the go, I'd probably rarely leave the house! But since having children I've found that a day at home can drag, and it's important to try and get out and about somewhere. Even just a quick walk to the playground or a couple of hours spent at a friend's house can break up the day and give the children enough social interaction that they will amuse themselves quietly at home for the rest of it. So I do like to make an effort to get a few things scheduled in the calendar over the summer.

But I'm not one of those people that takes the children out and about all over the place. I think we'd all get exhausted! I also don't want my husband to feel left out, not to mention the fact that we'd have no money left by the end of the summer. We'll probably only do one or two full day trips out over the holidays with friends and then the rest of the time we'll fill our time with some play dates, trips to the swimming pool, and local outings to break up the day.

The children do play nicely together at home (for a short while at least!) and they are happy with crafting, jigsaws, reading, helping me with bits and pieces of housework, baking and so on. They also do have time to spend playing video games and watching their iPads, although I try to limit it as they'd happily do that all day!

Sometimes I do feel a little bit inadequate when I see pictures of people out and about visiting all sorts of exciting places over the summer. But I remind myself that we often go away on holiday during the school holidays and have amazing experiences together - everyone needs some downtime to relax and if the children are content to spend time in the house with me then so am I.

What do your summer holidays look like - are you out and about all the time or are you happy to spend time chilling out at home?

Introducing daily creative time - and the wonderful results

In the run up to the  summer holidays there were lots of posts floating about on social media with suggestions for things that children were required to do before they could have any screen time. As I've shared before, I am quite lax when it comes to screen time, but I also don't want them to spend the holidays glued to the screen. So we sat down together and had a chat. I showed them a version of the list (you can see the one I used here), and asked them how they felt about something similar. We decided to come up with a more flexible approach - we would make a list of things that I'd like to to be completed during the day, and if they did then they would generally be allowed their screens.

We divided our list into two. The first half was non-negotiable tasks - getting dressed, brushing teeth, five minutes tidying their bedrooms, half an hour of reading, piano practice for Harry and some kind of worksheet or activity book for Mia. We then wrote a second list of things which were an alternative to screen time - things like help Mum with a job, do a jigsaw or play a board game. I also added 'do something creative'.

I stressed that the list was always going to be a work in progress, and could be changed and updated as we saw fit. This happened very early on, when I noticed how popular the 'do something creative option' was, and so I moved it to the first column as an alternative to reading (which to be fair they both generally do at some point during the day anyway).

My reason was that I found after just a few days choosing a creative activity, the children really ran with it and they amazed me with what they came up with in just a short space of time. Harry chose to work on writing a Viking themed story, and he eagerly sat down at his desk to write a chapter each day. Here's his prologue, and when it's finished he intends to publish the whole story on his own blog!

Night was falling. A fine mist hung over Humber River. Edward walked up to his Master. "Where is he?" the Master asked? "I...I...I...well, we've been searching, but we've been unable to find h...h...h...ech" he fell dead. The Master lowered his hand.

"Find that boy!" he ordered his army...The Destroyers.

Mia has also been working on a story, but her preferred creative activity is junk modelling - she loves to go through the recycling box and accessorise her creations with stickers, pipe cleaners, feathers and so on from the craft box. She has produced some wonderful pieces of work - I love seeing what she comes up with!

Adding creative time to the day has been a big success, and although it will be harder to fit these things in once they are back at school I'm definitely going to continue - I may make it part of the after dinner routine, and maybe I can fit in a bit of time for crafting for myself too!

Our family and screen time

With the half term holiday underway and the long summer holiday rapidly approaching I've been thinking again about how much screen time my children have. Their screen time mainly consists of playing Minecraft and watching videos about Minecraft on YouTube on their tablets, often with a film night at the weekends. They each have their own tablet but we look after them and they ask to use them, again they have to ask to use our PCs for Minecraft or other games. But we are pretty relaxed about allowing them.

During the school week I don't let them have any screen time after school until 5pm, which ties in nicely with them giving me some peace and quiet to make dinner and lunchboxes. On a night when we are home straight from school this gives them enough time for homework, piano practice for Harry, and some time for them to play. Several nights we are out, like for swimming lessons, and on those days they don't get any Minecraft time. Then they are allowed to watch their tablets while they eat their dinner. I know it's a bad habit, but it doesn't make any difference to the speed at which they eat their dinner, and they are usually so tired that they aren't in the mood to make any sort of conversation while they eat!

Mornings are another time that they are allowed their tablets. They both wake up so early and always have done, so they can come into us half an hour before they need to get up to claim their tablets, and it gives Ram and I the chance to wake up gradually.

At the weekends and during school holidays they do have more screen time than I'd like. If we don't have anywhere to be, the morning tablet-in-bed-slot is extended for as long as they are happy to wait until breakfast (although to be fair it's usually only a short while as Mia in particular can't go long without food!). Then if we are going to be at home most of the day, after breakfast I try to get them to have a break for an hour or so before letting them get straight on and play Minecraft.

We have a set up where we have two PCs that are linked, so they can both play together in the same game. They really love it, and when they aren't able to play they are often talking together about what they are going to do next time they have chance. They usually play really nicely together, but sometimes there can be disagreements and arguing, at which point it is swiftly turned off!

I must admit I find it difficult to criticise too much screen time when my husband and I are worse at using our phones ourselves. So I try very hard to show them other things that can be done instead of staring at a screen - for example by sitting and reading a book, doing some crochet or doing a jigsaw. To be fair they are generally very good when I say that screen time is up and they need to find something else to do, and any initial protest usually dies down quite quickly.

I'd love to know how other people manage screen time with young children?

My new school run

Last September, the children started at a new school. It was quite a change for us all, but fortunately they have both settled really quickly and it has been a really positive move for both of them. We are so proud of how they are doing.

They have moved from a school which was within reasonable walking distance of our home to a school in a nearby town centre, so it's made a big difference to my school run. It means that I don't do nearly as much walking as I used to, and the school run involves battling the traffic - fortunately my husband does most of the drop offs in the morning, as I'm a nervous driver and I really don't enjoy it!

My new route has meant that I have discovered a new love for the beach, as I drive along the coast to town each day. I've started leaving early, parking up along the seafront, and taking myself off for a walk. After spending their first term mainly sitting at my desk and not doing nearly as much exercise as I should have been, I've really noticed a difference since January when I began aiming to walk 10,000 steps each day.

It's not the best time of year to be starting a walking habit, and it has been very cold outside over the last few weeks. But I've been pushing myself to make the effort and feeling much better for it.

It's another really positive thing which has come from the new school, and I'm looking forward to the summer and lighter evenings when we can all stop off on the way home for some fresh air and beachcombing!

The new online learning journal, and photographs of Mia in front of things

Mia began in Reception back in September, and since Harry started school there was something new. We've been used to seeing the children's Learning Journals back from when they started at Nursery, but now the school has introduced an Online Learning Journal for the early years pupils - Tapestry.

I have to say that it's brilliant, and I hope that it has made things easier for the teachers too. There is both a website and a mobile phone app which we can login to and see what Mia has been up to. Something new is added several times a week, usually a photograph and sometimes a video. It's linked to the curriculum so it's organised by category - Expressive arts and design, Understanding the World and so on, with a note from the teacher underneath.

We can also add in our own photographs and videos of things that Mia has been doing at home, for example at parents evening it was mentioned that she wasn't holding her pen correctly, so when she finally worked it out I snapped a photo and added it to Tapestry.

I can't share any of her school photos here, but it has caused something funny to happen at home. Every time that Mia does something she's proud of - draws a nice picture, builds something with Duplo or sets up a little picnic with her dolls for example - she asks me to take a picture of it and sits in front of it with a big grin on her face. It's obviously what they do at school when they've done something good or interesting! So my camera roll is gradually filling up with photos of Mia sitting with things in various states of dress, and with the state of her hair marking the approximate time of day that the photo was taken.

It's really great to see what she's been up to at school, almost as it happens, and it's a lovely reassurance to know that she's having fun when I'm not with her. It's just a shame that it's only for the Early Years classes, I'd love to see what Harry gets up to as well!

Does your child's school or nursery use an online learning journal?

The traumatic loss of the first tooth

Harry first noticed that his tooth was wobbly while we were waiting in line at Disneyland. He was thrilled! He couldn't leave it alone, and I must admit that I was quite excited too. I thought it was quite early for him to be losing teeth as I can still clearly remember losing mine, but lots of his friends have lost them already and apparently losing teeth does go on until the age of 10 or even older.

It took over a week from the first wobble until it came out. During the afternoon we were excitedly wobbling away, and I could tell that it wouldn't be long. But when it finally happened as Harry was tucking into his post dinner ice cream, he surprised us by being really upset. I don't know if it was the smear of blood that ended up in his cornet, or the unfamiliar feeling of the soft gum underneath, but it really bothered him. He refused to touch or even look at his tooth, and he took himself off to bed, really subdued and without any of the usual fuss.

Of course this was all forgotten the next morning when he found the shiny £1 coin left by the Tooth Fairy (yep, it's gone up just a bit since I was little) and the excitement of showing his new gap all his friends at school. Now the other front tooth has the hint of a wobble, and with no sign of new teeth appearing it looks like we are going to have to get used to the new gappy look for a while yet!

Dealing with our threenager

Harry was a difficult baby, but we were very lucky with him as a toddler. I used to scoff at articles about threenagers, because life with Harry improved immensely when he turned three. He finally began sleeping through the night (at least most of the time), he was dry night and day, and was interested in everything. You could always keep him busy by talking to him about what was going on around him and sharing interesting facts. Of course he had his moments, but I don't remember him ever lying on the floor kicking and screaming.

Mia however became a bit of a tempestuous toddler, and I find myself having to deal with her in a completely different way. They are both so different personality wise. Harry is sensitive, needs time to himself, and takes things very much to heart. Mia is more unpredictable, if she is upset she explodes with anger, hitting and screaming, but then a few minutes later it is all completely forgotten, as though you've flipped a switch. Harry has never really done anything naughty, Mia is a little more contrary - for example if you tell her not to touch something she will immediately try to touch it, and then look at you to see your reaction. She is never sitting still, even if I try to sit them on the sofa in front of the television she is jumping and climbing about.

It has taken me a while to realise that I need to deal with them differently and to cater to their different personalities. When Harry is feeling tired and emotional especially he needs time to himself, perhaps to be set up and left alone with a Lego set to build. Mia needs someone to play with her, either to play a board game or to engage in some role play with her dolls. This leads to frustration from them both if Harry wants some space and Mia wants him to play.

It's hard work and when it's just me and Mia I do feel like I'm constantly on the go, with no time to get on with anything by myself. But when I do play with her it's a lot of fun. I enjoy playing board games and I love seeing her little imagination come alive, even if she does get cross with me when I don't play out her role play the way that she wants me to, and at least I do have three mornings to myself when she's at nursery so that I can recover a bit!

I'm just hoping that she calms down a little bit before she starts school in September, although at least then it will be down to the teachers to deal with her tantrums and not me!

Being left behind while the husband is away

For the last nine days Ram has been away on a work trip. He started in San Francisco for a conference and then took a trip to Las Vegas, because it's on the way home. Although I'm pretty used to evenings and nights alone, it was by far the longest that he's been away since we had the children, and the furthest apart geographically that we've ever been.

I've been very lucky while he's been away. My Mum came and stayed for a few days which was a great help, and I've been visiting both parents as well as being visited myself by friends. Now that the children are older it's not nearly as hard as it would once have been, and during the week it didn't really feel much different than normal. Of course we all missed Ram, and Harry in particular did seem a little bit unsettled at times, but we've had fun too.

I've eaten a few more chocolates and baked a few more batches of cookies than is good for my waistline, especially as I've been missing out on my regular gym trips. I've rewatched a fair bit of Breaking Bad, started up a new crafty project with mini Hama beads and scheduled plenty of blog posts ready for our upcoming holiday.

I was very good, and every night but one I resisted the temptation to scoop a child out of their beds and put them in with me when I went to bed - while night time cuddles are lovely children do tend to wake up much earlier when they are in bed with me!

Things have been relaxed a little bit, the children haven't quite managed a bath every night and I've been a bit lazy about tidying up. But they've also become a little more independent - I've been encouraging them to serve themselves to drink and cereal and to help with the tidying and cleaning a bit more.

Now I'm thinking that it's my turn for a break away somewhere, although I'm not sure I'd want to go quite so far or for quite such a long time!

Mamma Mia, here we go again...

Mia isn't named after the Abba song. Obviously we couldn't avoid thinking of it when we chose the name, and I do remember singing it to her occasionally when she was a baby (often while she was screaming, and the 'here I go again' line really resonated with me). But other than that I wasn't particularly familiar with the song at all.

Then a couple of months ago I had her in the car and she was making a bit of a fuss. This makes me stressed as I'm an anxious driver and I need to concentrate, so I asked her if she wanted to hear the 'Mia song'. Luckily my husband has some kind of USB set up in the car so we can access all our music through it. Of course she said 'yes', so I put it on for her and she was delighted. She kept repeating 'they're saying Mia!' in a kind of awed voice. It finished and she demanded 'again!' so I kept it going for the rest of the journey.

This made the journey very pleasant, so the next time she was in the car and asked for it I put it on. It kept her quiet when we arrived at school early to collect Harry on a rainy day and had to wait in the car. It motivated her to even get into the car in the first place if she knew that she could listen to it. Harry is fairly easy going and so he tolerated it too, and I'm always one for an easy life.

Of course, fast foward a few months and we are all totally sick of the song. Even good natured Harry has started to rebel and demand the Frozen soundtrack from time to time. If Mia is in a good mood then she'll let him listen to one song before making her demands. If she's not then she'll scream all through his song, then brighten up miraculously when Mamma Mia is turned on. I'm trying to teach her to take turns, but the lesson doesn't really seem to be going in.

Then the last few nights she has been asking to listen to it on the iPad before she goes to bed. Last night instead of the usual lullaby that I sing her she wanted Mamma Mia. When we are about to go out in the car, before we even leave the house she is checking that she can listen to it on the way. If I'm sitting at the computer she'll come up to me, force her way onto my lap and ask to watch it on YouTube.

I know it's not unusual for a toddler to become obsessed with something. And I also know that it won't last, which is why I've written this post as it's another little part of her childhood that I don't want to forget!